I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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