he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
