Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
