I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
