I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
