I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
