Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
