There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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