I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
