Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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