he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
