Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I AM VODKA MAN
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
