my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
