you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
