one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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