i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
