she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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