Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
