All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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