Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to have your abortion
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
