Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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