So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
