I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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