Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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