her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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