if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
