I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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