Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
