Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Less talking, more tequila
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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