People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
