Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
