Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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