Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
