I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
