Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my shit smells like andre
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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