I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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