Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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