Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
