I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
