dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
