So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
