I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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