It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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