I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
