Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
