Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
