how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
