Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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