you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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