yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
